Visitors bureau needs better angles

The local convention industry is in danger of drying up, and it’s up to me to come to the rescue.

Oh, I’d love to believe that the Spokane Regional Convention & Visitors Bureau is up to the job. They all seem like such swell, albeit overly chipper, people.

But quite frankly, I don’t think our civic boosters always use the best judgment.

For example: They staged a “pro-meetings” rally Friday afternoon in the River Park Square atrium. And they sent me a news release invitation to attend.

Honestly. How smart was that?

I didn’t have anything going on, of course. So I walked down to River Park Square to see what the hubbub was about.

Not to sound picky, but if there’s a worse venue for sound quality than the atrium I haven’t found it.

It’s like being in a five-story echo chamber.

I tried to be a good listener. But a lot of what was being said was lost in space.

Like, I think I heard one of the speakers say the words “trickle down,” but then I missed what came right after it. So I assume it had something do with the economy and wasn’t a comment about an embarrassing personal problem.

From what I gathered, however, here’s what has the CVB in a lather.

All the recent bad press about fat cat executives wasting gazillions of dollars on extravagant company retreats in exotic resort locations is starting to create a chilling effect.

As a result, more and more CEOs are coming down with the “junket jitters.”

If this condition keeps spreading, every corporation in America soon will be too paranoid to book a convention anywhere – even poor old Spokane.

This could cost us millions in lost revenue for hotels, merchants and hookers.

To fight back, a CVB member handed me a yellow button to wear. “Meetings Mean Business,” it read.

As much as I wanted to show I meant business, I just couldn’t put it on. Having to go to meetings is one of the reasons I got out of management.

That and a chronic contempt for authority.

But I have come up with some killer ideas that the CVB can use to keep our convention trade booming.

Killer Idea 1 – Stop selling Spokane as a municipal wonderland.

We need to reassure the nervous corporations of America that there’s nothing at all fancy about the Lilac City.

In fact, that term “Lilac City” is far too fanciful. From now on we’re the “Potholed City.”

That’s much less glamorous and also has the benefit of being completely true.

Killer Idea 2 – Toss some aluminum siding up on the Davenport Hotel.