Annie’s Mailbox: Adult daughter’s long-distance romance is OK

Dear Annie: My 19-year-old daughter has been “dating” a nice young man for three years. The problem is, he moved with his parents to another state two years ago.

Initially, they flew out to see each other, but that has stopped because he is a Mormon and he and his parents do not want him to be in the physical presence of my daughter (who has also become a Mormon). The kids aren’t permitted to have sex before marriage, and apparently, his parents don’t trust them to spend time together. So they have developed their relationship through e-mail, texting, Skyping and playing games on the Internet. They have not actually seen each other in a year. Her whole life seems to be on hold while they figure out how they can be together.

This seems to be avoiding the issue rather than facing it. As a parent, I am unhappy to see this kind of relationship. It seems over the top. He is withholding himself from her, and we don’t know why she puts up with it. Why can’t she have a normal relationship? – Unhappy Mom

Dear Unhappy: A religious restriction on premarital sex is fairly common and hardly a bad thing. Long-distance relationships can be difficult, but frankly, if they are getting to know each other through other forms of communication, it could be the basis for an excellent friendship.

At this age, we agree they should not tie themselves up with someone who is essentially unavailable, but your daughter is 19 and an adult. You may not understand or agree with her choices, but they are hers to make, and we urge you not to be overly critical or it could backfire.