Annie’s Mailbox: Seek compromise with husband

Dear Annie: I remarried two years ago and am very happy with my new husband. I have several children from my first marriage, ranging in age from 17 to 27. I also have five young grandchildren.

After our first year of marriage, my new husband got a job offer in another state. As hard as it was to leave my kids, I eagerly started our new life. I was able to drive the distance to visit my children and grandchildren every few weeks and stay several days.

Recently, I was diagnosed with a serious illness, and the doctors say I will likely live another five years or so at best. I can no longer drive. My kids want me to move back to my home state so my grandchildren will know their grandma.

My husband is not currently employed, but still refuses to move back. He has three children here, and although he financially supported them until they were 18, they have never been close.

If I don’t have much time left, I want to spend as much of it as I can with my children and grandchildren. But that feels as if I am betraying my husband, whom I love dearly. Both sides are pulling at my heart, and I’m not sure what to do. – Torn

Dear Torn: When your husband asked you to relocate, you did so without question. Now that you need him to do the same, he is unwilling. If you cannot make him see how unfair this is, you should look for ways to compromise. Can you take a train, bus or plane to visit your children and stay for a month or more? Would your husband drive you for shorter, more frequent visits, or deposit you with your children and come back in six weeks? Can the children and grandchildren come to you? Find a way to make the best of this, or your resentment will eat away at your marriage at the time when you can least afford the stress. We’ll be thinking of you.