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Thursday, October 22, 2020  Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
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Annie’s Mailbox: Try therapy to discover intimacy

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My husband, “Danny,” and I have been married for 37 years. We raised two daughters, who are now married with children of their own. As far as my friends are concerned, Danny is a great husband, and they continually tell me how lucky I am because he treats me like a queen.

Danny is fit and trim and average-looking. He does all the cooking, cleans the bathrooms and does a number of other household chores. He also maintains our automobiles, and no matter their age, they look brand-new. In fact, there is nothing Danny will not do for me if I ask.

So what is the problem? Danny expects sex once a week. Sex is something I have never enjoyed. Since Day One, I would submit to him because I believed it was my duty, but after 37 years, I consider sex an unnecessary task. When I turn him down, Danny gets depressed and mopes around the house for days. I love Danny with all my heart and cannot imagine my life without him. He reads your column daily, and if he saw my letter in print he might understand that even though I do not want to be intimate, it doesn’t mean I don’t love or care for him. – Not Interested Now, Never Was

Dear Not Interested: Please don’t do this. Danny has been a full partner in your marriage. You should be one, too, and sex is part of that. When you love someone, you accommodate them in ways that make them happy – whether you get anything out of it or not. Sex once a week is not excessive.

Have your doctor check your hormone levels, which we suspect have always been out of balance, and consider therapy. It’s possible you could enjoy intimacy if you worked on it. Contact the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (aasect.org) at P.O. Box 1960, Ashland, VA 23005-1960.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail questions to anniesmailbox@ comcast.net
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