Finding their Barack

Monica Weeks has met many men, but at age 51 she says she still hasn’t found her “Barack.”

Among Weeks and her friends, President Barack Obama’s name has become shorthand for a black man with integrity, character and spirituality, one who loves and values his wife and makes his family a priority – in other words, the kind of man that many black women had despaired of finding.

She says probably every single woman she knows is looking for her “Barack.”

“He absolutely makes me think it’s attainable,” says Weeks, a divorced mother in Somerset, N.J. “For women who are older and seeking a man, I think we can look at him and say, ‘All is not lost.’ ”

The story is the same elsewhere among black women, who say the new code word for Prince Charming has become so commonplace that they have been asked, “Have you found your Barack?” or told others “I’m looking for my Barack.”

Obama’s sex appeal hasn’t hurt – what other president would get high marks in a swimsuit competition?

But he has touched a nerve among black women in particular, who consider him an IBM (Ideal Black Man): educated, eloquent, tall, attractive, family oriented, ambitious and down to earth.

For years, single black women have been commiserating about the perceived shortage of eligible black men. It’s laughed about in movies (“Waiting to Exhale”) and backed up with statistics:

•The May unemployment rate for black men was 16.8 percent for those ages 20 and older, compared to a national rate of 9.8 percent for all adult men.

•Black women outnumber black men almost 2-to-1 on college campuses.

•Most black babies are born to unwed mothers.

“There are a large number of African-American women who have largely given up on finding a mate,” says Sheri Parks, associate professor of American studies at the University of Maryland. “Their men are not there.”

Renee Breeden didn’t have much hope she would find a life partner after dealing with what she called “extremely selfish” black men. At one point, the 35-year-old divorced mother had stopped dating black men altogether.

But watching the Obamas has renewed her faith that she can have a loving relationship with a black man.

“There’s no denying the love between them, and it made me feel like, ‘Wow, there’s still hope for me,’ ” says Breeden, an administrative assistant and online radio talk show host in New York. “There is still someone who is going to look at me and see my value.”

It’s Obama’s relationship with first lady Michelle Obama that makes him especially appealing.

For black women, it’s significant that Obama has a black wife and values her education and professional aspirations. Black men are more likely to marry outside of their race than black women, according to the U.S. Census.

To be sure, there are plenty of famous, attractive black men to dream about, but people don’t know as much about Denzel Washington’s relationship with his wife, for example.

These days, there’s little people don’t know about the Obamas, says Marc Lamont Hill, associate professor of education at Columbia University. The first couple’s relationship has been on public display with romantic date nights and charming interview banter.

“Having access to that much of a person endears you to that person,” Hill says.

And while women were taken with Presidents Bill Clinton and John F. Kennedy, neither would have made a particularly good husband, says Rich Hanley, director of graduate journalism at Quinnipiac University in Hamden, Conn.

Experts caution against over-romanticizing the Obama marriage. Journalist Richard Wolffe writes in “Renegade” that Michelle Obama “hated the failed race for Congress in 2000, and their marriage was strained by the time their youngest daughter, Sasha, was born a year later.”

If women of any race are expecting to find a Barack, they’re bound to be disappointed, says Audrey B. Chapman, a black marriage therapist in Washington, D.C., who thinks many black women are too picky.

Some single black men are hoping Michelle Obama changes that. When the first lady met her husband, he was broke, funny looking and a bit nerdy, says Chris Otiko, 40, a divorced podiatrist in Riverside, Calif., who adds that when he was a broke medical student black women wouldn’t go out with him.

Otiko says he hasn’t seen any changes in the dating scene yet, but is hopeful that Michelle Obama “will enlighten our African-American women to give guys like me a chance.”

But black men may also have a hard time meeting raised expectations, he adds.

Many black women are realistic and know that an Obama-esque man is out of reach, simply because of the numbers, Maryland professor Parks says.

“I think they are enjoying watching the Obamas,” she says. “But I don’t know many African-American women who have therefore jumped to the conclusion that there are lots more like him out there.”

Evita Broughton, 27, a single black woman in Marietta, Ga., who works in public relations, says she has heard a lot of men say, “We can’t all be Barack. Don’t put that burden on us.”

Her response: “It’s not about you being Barack. It’s about you being the best man you can be.”