Texting falls under do-not-ignore rule

Dear Miss Manners: Now that people are encouraged to turn off their cell phones in restaurants and movie theaters, the custom is to communicate with text messages.

I have a friend who I get together with only about four times a year because of our busy schedules. We get together for dinner and shopping or for a few days at the beach. I look forward to catching up with my friend, and I assume that my friend will give me her full time and attention.

Unfortunately, thanks to text messaging, this is no longer the case. Last summer, when we were at the beach having dinner, my friend was preoccupied with her phone. She stared at it constantly.

She sent and returned e-mails even while at the beach. She liked a new guy and was hoping to hear from him, so she was always checking her phone, even while chatting with me. The same thing happened when we were at the movies a few months ago. My friend was texting another friend about our activities.

Could you please advise me on the correct manners for the use of cell phones and text messaging, and could you also help me deal with my cell phone-obsessed friend?

Gentle reader: People still need to be reminded not to use their telephones to violate the old rules against disturbing others with noise and ignoring people who have a claim on their attention.

Texting also comes under the latter rule. You could patiently explain that the idea of those jaunts is to get away from your ordinary demands so that you can enjoy each other’s company undisturbed. You could propose specific times for checking in with others so that you can also have time together free of virtual visiting with others.

But if she looks at you vaguely while keeping her fingers on her telephone keyboard, Miss Manners suggests that you rethink this year’s beach outing. It cannot be entertaining for you to be with someone who isn’t really there.