Don’t fool yourself, he doesn’t love you

Thu., Jan. 21, 2010

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I have been with “Sven” for two years, and we have been living together since August. He is good to me and my two kids, but I’m having a problem.

For starters, Sven has stopped telling me he loves me. Last night, when I told him I loved him, he responded that he “really likes me a lot.” Also, I am a full-time student, and he disagrees with my choice to become a paramedic. I cannot talk to him about school, as he says it bores him. If I ask him to go somewhere with me, he won’t.

He no longer visits my parents, which I can tolerate, but I said holidays should be an exception. He disagreed, saying his family doesn’t celebrate holidays, so last Christmas, my children and I went to my parents’ and then visited my brother for five days. The night before I left, I found out Sven was going to his brother’s house for Christmas and that it had been planned for more than a week. He lied to me about it and then quickly invited me to come with him on Christmas morning. When I stopped at his brother’s on my way out of town, his sister-in-law accused me of being rude because I didn’t respond to her invitation – the one I didn’t know about.

Sven has no desire to change, and I am becoming miserable. I spent my entire savings to attend school, and Sven helps pay the bills. I don’t graduate for another year and cannot afford day care. Until this summer, our relationship was great. What are my options? – Anastasia

Dear Anastasia: Sven isn’t in love with you anymore, and you’d be a fool to pretend otherwise. We suggest you break it off and look for another roommate and a cheaper apartment. You also can get a loan, drop out of school until you accumulate enough money to finish or ask your family for help. Whatever you choose may not be the solution of your dreams, but your dreams don’t seem to be working out.

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