Mom does not respect closed door

Dear Annie: I am 20 years old and still living at home. I’ve just finished paying off my college debt and, with the way the economy is, am not in a position to move out, despite working two jobs.

I love my family a lot, but I also appreciate it when they respect my space and privacy. My father and siblings understand that when my bedroom door is closed, they need to knock before entering. The problem is my mother. She thinks a closed door is an invitation to barge into my room whenever she feels like it.

I’ve tried talking with her about it, but she gets defensive and accuses me of hiding something.

I began locking my door in the hope that Mom would understand, but now she is threatening to change the locks if I do it again. Since I can’t afford to move out, what can I do? – No Locks

Dear No Locks: Your mother seems so paranoid about your private activities that she is damaging your relationship. Talk to your father, and ask him to intercede. He needs to explain to Mom that when she barges in without knocking, it creates tremendous resentment. Assure your mother that she is welcome in your room, but it is a sign of respect to knock first.

Dear Annie: “Appreciate the Cleaning Ladies” wonders why she never gets a raise or a holiday bonus. I am sure most of her clients feel she is compensated fairly. Her clients probably have not received a raise themselves in several years and, in this economy, are being squeezed. I have not received a raise in more than two years, and my husband has taken a cut in pay.

My cleaning lady charges more per hour than I make and always receives a Christmas bonus.

I would advise her to take each individual client’s situation into account and then talk to them about a raise. – Appreciate my Cleaning Lady