Ask if cousins know background

Dear Annie: I have two wonderful cousins, a brother and sister related to me through their father. Both are now in their 50s and have seven children between them.

About 12 years ago, my stepmother spilled the beans and told me that our cousins are not biologically related to us because their parents had to resort to artificial insemination (using donor sperm) in order to become pregnant. I confirmed this story with my mother. She said my aunt and uncle had promised to tell the kids the truth someday.

Annie, I don’t believe my cousins were ever told, because I occasionally hear comments from them about how neither they nor their children look like anyone on their father’s side of the family.

My aunt and uncle have since died. I love my cousins regardless of parentage, but don’t they deserve to have their genetic information? One of the cousins has Crohn’s disease. Other things could come up. – Loving Cousin in Philly

Dear Philly: If your stepmother knows this story, chances are your cousins have heard it, too. And you are right – they should have their medical history for themselves and their children. It would be best if one of their parents’ contemporaries talked to them – perhaps your mother would be willing. Otherwise, you can gently broach the subject by asking whether they have their complete genetic background.