Postpartum depression hits men, too

Dear Mr. Dad: I have a 2-week-old baby boy, and I’m crazy about him. But I’ve suddenly started feeling really anxious, stressed, irritable, and sometimes even angry. My girlfriend says I could be suffering from male postpartum depression. I’ve never heard of guys getting postpartum depression, is it possible? If so, what can I do about it?

A: Your girlfriend is absolutely right. Most of us have heard of new moms experiencing the “baby blues,” or actual postpartum depression, but few acknowledge that paternal postpartum depression is just as real.

In fact, quite a few people ridicule the idea. It’s wonderful that your girlfriend is not one of them.

According to Will Courtenay, a psychotherapist specializing in male postpartum depression, as many as one in four new dads experience the kinds of symptoms you mentioned, in the days, weeks, and even months after the birth of a child.

Unfortunately, men rarely discuss their feelings or ask for help. One big problem is that men and women express depression differently.

Women tend to get tearful, men get angry or withdraw from their family and retreat to the office.

Symptoms of male postpartum depression typically appear one to three weeks after the birth and can include:

•Feeling stressed or irritable

•Being discouraged

•Strong aversion to hearing the baby cry

•Resentment toward the baby or the attention he gets

•Increased conflicts with others

•Fatigue

•Disappointment in yourself or belief that you should be feeling differently

•Ongoing physical symptoms such as headaches

Untreated, it can cause marital conflicts, reckless or violent behavior, poor job performance, drug or alcohol abuse, and even thoughts of suicide. In addition, studies show that parental depression negatively impacts the children’s emotional and behavioral development.

Postpartum depression doesn’t discriminate based on socio-economic level or ethnicity. It typically affects first-time parents, but can occur after subsequent births even if there were no symptoms after the first child.

Bottom line, this is a recognized medical condition that affects hundreds of thousands of fathers. Courtenay’s Web site, postpartummen.com, offers an anonymous survey that can clarify the issues, and a listing of good resources for getting help.

The first step is to speak with a psychotherapist who is familiar with men’s depression and with whom you’ll feel comfortable and open.

Whatever you do, don’t sweep your feelings under the rug. Depression – regardless of what triggers it – is nothing to be ashamed of. Getting treatment is important.