Annie’s Mailbox: There’s no future in this relationship

Tue., May 25, 2010

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I just turned 50 and have been divorced for the past seven years. I recently moved in with “Duke,” whom I met a year ago.

Duke’s job requires a lot of traveling, and lately, things don’t seem right between us. Women call his cell phone frequently, and he won’t answer when he’s with me. He says they are co-workers and he doesn’t need to speak to them. But I also found lewd text messages from women and naked pictures of them on his phone. His son also told me that Duke is online a lot, talking to different women in our area.

I confronted Duke about what I found and told him I can no longer trust him. I also stupidly admitted I checked his phone, and he tried to turn it around and claim he can’t trust me either because I snooped.

Duke says he loves me, but if that’s true, he wouldn’t be doing these things behind my back. I do not plan for this relationship to go any further (meaning marriage), but I’m not sure what I ought to do. Should I continue to live with the lies and deception and go out and have fun myself, or should I find a place of my own? I think I know the answer, but would like your opinion. – Hurt in Florida

Dear Hurt: You should absolutely find a place of your own. Duke is not trustworthy and has no intention of changing his behavior. There is no future or contentment in this relationship unless you need a roommate to help pay the rent, in which case, you should have separate bedrooms and separate lives. Sorry.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@ comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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