Alcoholic daughter may be depressed

Dear Annie: I have three daughters, the youngest of whom is 45. “Susan” has not been in a relationship for five years, and she has a severe drinking problem. She has had two DWI convictions and lost her license for a year. She received the usual counseling, did public service, paid a hefty fine and felt the embarrassment of seeing her name published in the local newspaper.

Susan doesn’t seem to understand the problems she has created within the family. When she drinks, she becomes a different person, and I almost don’t recognize her. She ruined my grandson’s college graduation party, and my daughter-in-law still holds a grudge. Recently, her older sister had a 50th birthday celebration. Susan arrived sober, but drank a bottle of wine and then searched the cupboards for more when she thought no one was watching. People searched for her car keys, but she left them in the glove box and ended up driving herself home at 3 a.m. No one wanted to call the police for fear that Susan would lose her license, her job and her apartment, but they were worried sick.

Susan has been to AA, but doesn’t stick with it. I’ve been to Al-Anon and know the rest is up to her. My question is: Do we continue to invite her to family functions? I hate to see her destroying her health and reputation. – MADD and Sad Mother

Dear Mother: Like many alcoholics, Susan needs to hit rock bottom before she will admit she needs help. And even then, we suspect an underlying depression is interfering with her sobriety. Susan may be more willing to address that aspect of her illness, so please urge her to talk to her doctor and get a referral to a therapist. Whether to invite her to family functions is up to you, but we recommend she turn over her car keys as soon as she arrives. Otherwise, call the police if she drives drunk. Better she loses her job than her life – or causes someone else to lose theirs.