Annie’s Mailbox: Have kids contact their dad’s family

Dear Annie: My husband and I separated 10 years ago when our children were preteens. He has shown little interest in them and maintains contact only due to my encouragement. My family always includes him when we have family get-togethers. His family, however, decided that being nice to us would be taking sides, so they ignore our existence.

Recently, my husband and his family had a big reunion less than a block from us. We have not seen some of these relatives since the separation. They did not let us know they were coming and made no contact, even though my mother-in-law was here for more than a week.

Although my children claim they do not care, I can see how painful it is that their grandparents, aunts and uncles have abandoned them. Every time I try to communicate with my in-laws, they subject me to horrible accusations. My kids say I can’t fix everything, but giving up doesn’t seem like the answer. What is? – Feeling Hurt and Helpless

Dear Hurt: Your children sound wise beyond their years, and they are old enough now to handle this as they see fit. Ask if they would like to contact their grandparents and other paternal relatives. Offer phone numbers, email addresses, Facebook pages, whatever you have. In all likelihood, these relatives will treat the children better than they would you, the ex-wife, and they may actually reconsider a relationship. Still, prepare your children for the possibility of rejection. Then allow them to decide whether they wish to initiate any communication.