Not your place to reveal marriage

Dear Annie: My 19-year-old daughter, “Nadia,” dated a sweet guy for three years. They broke up when he moved to Hawaii to “see the world.” For three years, he dated no one else and expected Nadia to do the same. However, after 18 months of separation, she decided to enjoy her life.

A year ago, they rekindled their relationship over the phone and decided to get married. When “Mr. Hawaii” found out she had dated someone else in his absence, he abruptly called it off, once again breaking her heart. He then asked her to wait for him to get his head together. Apparently, he was questioning whether he might be gay. This time, she said no. With our encouragement, she concentrated on herself and her education.

Eight months ago, Nadia met an absolutely wonderful, stable guy, and they are slowly building a future together. The problem is, Mr. Hawaii has been in touch, asking if she would reconsider their relationship. She told him he would always have a place in her heart, but that’s it. Within days of their last conversation, we were shocked to find out that he had already married a girl from Switzerland 12 days after meeting her.

We are sure this poor girl has no clue her new husband was still fanning the flames with Nadia, let alone his sexuality issues. And apparently, his family doesn’t know he’s married. Do we have an obligation to tell his family and his new wife, or is this a keep-it-zipped situation? We don’t want to hurt anyone. – Treading Water in the Pacific

Dear Treading: You don’t know the circumstances of this marriage or even if it’s true. It is not your place to inform his parents or wife. We know you want to do the right thing and prevent a catastrophe, but frankly, it will be hurtful no matter what you say, and it won’t change a thing. Mr. Hawaii needs to handle this on his own.