Counseling offers insight, life skills

Dear Readers: As promised, one more day on counseling:

Dear Annie: Is counseling helpful? You bet. Every person sees a situation differently. Counselors give us a viewfinder into the other side so we can empathize and understand. They teach us that conflict is normal and healthy and give us the skills to fight fair. Counselors help us see how our past experiences may affect our current circumstances. They let us vent our frustrations without being judgmental and guide us to change for the better. – Problem Gone

From California: My husband and I went to counseling every week for three years. The counselor was terrific, and I learned a lot about how to cope. However, at the end of three years, I asked my husband whether he was planning to make any changes, and he said, “No.” So I said, “Why are we wasting the money?”

Kentucky: For my girlfriend and me, counseling has been nothing but a waste of time and money. We’ve gone through several counselors, each with no results. We’ve been told things such as, “Just keep working at that, and it will get better,” “Go out and buy this book, it will help you” and “If this isn’t working, you can’t be trying hard enough.”

Fairfield, Conn.: When I separated from my wife of 11 years, I was totally unprepared to live alone. I missed my kids and was not sleeping well. One Sunday when I was distraught, I went to a phone booth and called a number for help in the Yellow Pages. I spilled my guts about my life, and this person gave me the name and phone number of a counselor and arranged an appointment. This counselor pushed me to confront my mother’s death, which I had never gotten over. Now, 31 years later, I’ve been remarried for 28 years and am doing fine. Over the years, I have learned to realize that not all women are going to leave me. Seeking help was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.