Go be a friend despite hassle

Hello, Carolyn: I have a problem that I really just can’t decide how to handle. My best friend from college is living in Germany. I have been telling her for a year now that I’m going to visit her.

We discussed actually planning the trip this week, and she informed me that while I’m there, I won’t be allowed to stay at her apartment because “there’s just not enough room” and “my boyfriend doesn’t want his morning routine interrupted.” She did, however, say I could stay in a nearby hostel.

I am a single girl traveling alone to a foreign country and don’t really feel this is safe. After much debate, she finally agreed to stay at the hostel with me if I pay half her stay there. I don’t feel this is really appropriate either, so after some more discussion on her part she at last agreed to stay with me and pay her way.

At this point, I’m not sure I even feel comfortable going. I feel like if I don’t go, though, our friendship will be affected in a major way. What’s your take? – Friendship vs. trip

Obviously, I have very little to go on. But “there’s just not enough room” and “my boyfriend doesn’t want his morning routine interrupted” indicate that either she needs to brush up on her truth-telling (or excuse-making) skills, or he has controlling tendencies that she’s trying to mince around without alienating her best friend.

Please do go on this trip, deal with the hostel, even spot your friend at least half the cost as a gesture of thanks, since I only suspect the boyfriend is twisting her arm, but I know for sure you are. Go to be a friend.

And, go so you can see for yourself whether your friend is in trouble. She may need this visit, and the affirmation that comes with it, more than you need her couch.

If you go only to discover I’m flat-out wrong about her boyfriend – oopsie! – then you’ll still be a single girl traveling more or less on your own in a foreign country, and what a chance for enrichment that is.