Wife now regrets who she married

Dear Annie: I was raised to look at the big picture and not sweat the small stuff. So when I was dating, I didn’t expect to magically meet my male clone. When I was in college, I met a funny, bright young man who had considerable drive and with whom I shared a common faith. My friends warned me that he was a social bully, but I defended him and said he was entitled to state his opinions forcefully.

We have been married for several years and have wonderful children. But I gave up having a true partner with whom to share my life because I blindly married a self-centered person who forces his own agenda in every situation and is intolerant of anything that doesn’t appeal to him. We don’t travel because he doesn’t like it. We don’t go to movies because he hates standing in line. We don’t go out to dinner with friends because he can’t hold a civil conversation. Every car trip turns into a litany of the faults of other drivers.

I knew marriage required compromise. I didn’t realize that all the compromises would be on my end. I should have waited to meet someone who shared some of my opinions and tastes. I don’t know whether we will spend our golden years together.

I want to tell young people to do an imaginary fast-forward and ask themselves how they will feel about their partner’s behavior in 10 years – and if the behavior you convince yourself to tolerate in your “soul mate” will be acceptable when demonstrated in front of your children. – California

Dear California: Too many people, both young and old, neglect to heed their intuition. They disregard signals that tell them to be careful, that some things are unacceptable, that “irritations” you are willing to overlook in the bloom of love can turn into major headaches later. Thank you for being the voice of experience.