Dying friendship’s sting unavoidable

Dear Carolyn: I’ve known my best friend, “Hal,” since high school. We’re in our late 30s now, and I don’t have another male friend with whom I have been as close. We considered ourselves as close as brothers. But over the past 5 to 10 years, so much distance has developed between us that I feel like calling him my best friend says more about the void in my social life than our relationship.

When he writes me an increasingly infrequent, brief “update” email, he often cites how busy he is with work and family as an excuse for not writing or calling.

In brief, this friendship is done. I know it. My question is about how to address that with him. Do I write him an honest letter stating that I feel like the friendship has run its course? Or do I not address it at all?

I feel like real men don’t write each other emotional “breakup” letters; friendships come and go and men let it roll off their backs without so much as a twinge of regret or sadness.

Well, I have a hard time letting the friendship die a gradual death. I just need a way of acknowledging that and moving on. What would a woman do in this situation, and is that the same thing a man should do? – Needy needs advice

Dude, you’ve got me feeling a little self-conscious now. Anyone for a spinoff, “I Miss You, Man”?

You’re staring down a problem – well, more of a disappointment – that doesn’t discriminate. Plenty of women also feel like complete dorks when they face the prospect of sending a “breakup” letter to a friend. They also tend to choose what you’re choosing – to let the friendship die of natural causes – even knowing it’s an unsatisfying end.

But what helps, often, sort of, is knowing there’s no satisfying end to a relationship you’d rather keep. The sting of rejection is unavoidable, and it’s a chromosome-blind sensation.