Try unfantasizing about co-worker

Dear Carolyn: I’ve become infatuated with a co-worker. Our interactions have been strictly professional and friendly, but I’ve noticed her many appealing qualities as well. At first I thought it was a harmless crush, but it’s been several months and I can’t stop fantasizing about her. She is married with kids, as am I. My marriage is generally happy, and I feel incredibly guilty due to all these thoughts about my co-worker.

While we don’t work together directly most of the time, there is still proximity to each other. Changing jobs isn’t realistic. So how can I stop thinking about someone I see nearly every day? I mean, if I told you, “Don’t think about peanut butter,” I’m guessing it’d be the first thing on your mind. – Mixed-up in the Midwest

True. But if I told you, “Think of nothing but peanut butter,” I’m guessing your mind would wander soon.

And so we have two common properties of the healthy mind: It’s easily distracted by the unusual, and easily numbed to the ordinary.

Absolutely, remain guarded and strictly professional with this colleague. At the same time, though, in your mind only, accept this inconvenient attraction. Make her not a forbidden thought, but instead a permissible one.

However: Make it a routine, and zero in on unsexy details. It’s 10 a.m., time to conjure Crushina … flossing. Crushina acting insecure. Crushina bashing your friends. The more they track with her real personality/mannerisms, the better. Indulge the (un)fantasy until your mind rolls its eyes and wanders somewhere else.