Wife insists hubby ignore kids, too

Sat., May 14, 2011

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: Two years ago, my wife and our 25-year-old daughter had a falling out right after our son’s wedding. They talk during family get-togethers, but otherwise haven’t spoken in the past six months. Meanwhile, my newly married son moved to his wife’s hometown five hours away.

My wife is now convinced that our daughter-in-law is scheming to create a family rift and is manipulating the fights with our daughter. I don’t agree, but my wife says I must take her side and have nothing to do with our kids until they apologize to her. This has caused tremendous friction in our marriage. I want my kids in my life.

We have tried couples counseling with little success. Short of walking away after 32 years, I don’t know what to do. Is it wrong for me to give up? – Caught in the Middle

Dear Caught: Your wife could be right about the daughter-in-law, but even so, it serves no purpose to demand an apology from someone who isn’t likely to give one. Your wife also sounds like a difficult person. Has she always been like this? Some women have extreme mood swings during menopause. Please ask your wife to see her gynecologist about this possibility. We also recommend informing her that you will absolutely not take sides. If she doesn’t wish to speak to her children, that’s her choice, not yours. And it might help to point out that a future reconciliation is more likely if one of you remains in touch.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@ comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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