Annie’s Mailbox: Call couple, ask if annual visit is OK

Dear Annie: For many years, I have hosted my family for Thanksgiving dinner. I remind them three months in advance and call a week before the date. Because I live alone, I don’t like to buy more food than I can safely freeze as leftovers.

Last year, one couple behaved strangely. They called the day before to ask if they could come earlier so we’d have more time to visit. Then they actually showed up later than everyone else, ate quickly and left. Since then, I have not seen or heard a word from them.

Here’s the problem. For the past several years, I have had a longstanding invitation to stop at their house before the holidays. The date is always the same. Should I just show up as usual, or do I wait to hear from them first? I don’t want to go where I’m not wanted. – Baffled in the South

Dear Baffled: This shouldn’t be so difficult. Pick up the phone. Say you’ve missed them and want to see how they are doing. Hopefully, they will invite you to stop by for your annual visit. But if they don’t bring it up, you can casually ask, “Is it convenient for me to stop by on the 15th as usual?” This gives them the opportunity to let you know if their circumstances have changed.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Miserable.” I experienced exactly the same problem. For six years, my husband and I were merely housemates. There was never an affectionate word, no intimate contact, no touching, nothing. He assured me there was no one else; he just had no desire.

Finally, he developed some physical issues and went for testing. It turned out that his testosterone level was quite low. Once he began taking weekly testosterone injections, we immediately returned to honeymooners’ status.

Please tell her to get her husband to an endocrinologist. – Understand in North Carolina