Miss Manners: Let mom be guide on Thanksgiving venue change

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Since the early ’80s, our family has celebrated the holidays at our parents’ home on the family farm. We each take turns in planning the event.

Is it proper to change locations to another home in the same town? My mom is still living and is in her late 80s. I feel bad for what Mom must think. Please advise.

GENTLE READER: Well, what DOES your mother think? Are you sure it is not, “Thank goodness, someone is finally taking this over”?

Miss Manners’ advice is to ask her, without being so naive as to think that this can be done in a straightforward way and that the answer will be frank. She is trusting that you know your mother well enough to pay attention to the subtext.

Thus you do not say, “Alisa and Ryan want to have Thanksgiving at their house – OK?” and accept, “Fine; do whatever you like” as her blessing.

Rather, you say something like, “We’ve always had wonderful Thanksgivings on the farm, but would you enjoy, for a change, going out and seeing one of us try to live up to your tradition?”

If she replies, “It doesn’t matter – whatever you children decide,” you should talk strongly to the others about continuing to have it at the farm. But if she brightens and says, “Why, that sounds like fun,” it is time to move on.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Does one wear an ankle bracelet over or under pantyhose?

GENTLE READER: No. No. At least Miss Manners hopes not. Try the wrist.