Annie’s Mailbox: She is content without marriage

Dear Annie: For the past three years, I have been in a committed relationship with “Kathleen.” We truly love each other, and I have been like a father to her 10-year-old son, “Brandon.” The problem is, Kathleen is 46 and still lives at home with a mother who rules the roost. Mom has been hostile toward me from the get-go and has done everything possible to drive me out of her daughter’s life, even spreading rumors that I was a pedophile. Mom tries to convince Kathleen that I’m not good enough because I’ve been divorced twice and don’t make a six-figure income. She controls Kathleen’s agenda and makes sure she is available only one evening a week. I am not welcome in their home because “Gramma” locks herself in her bedroom until I leave, which makes Kathleen feel stressed and guilty. I have tried to win Mom over by being polite and giving her flowers and birthday and Christmas gifts. I even offered to go with her to see her priest, but she refused. I have gone out of my way to defer to her, but it doesn’t help. Kathleen feels caught in the middle.

We have talked about living together. Kathleen is accustomed to not paying rent or worrying about property taxes and home repairs, and wants to remain in her mother’s house. I offered to let Mom stay with us, wherever we are, but Kathleen says her mother would never accept living in the same house with me.

I am 58, and my patience is wearing thin. I love Kathleen, but am not hopeful about the situation. Are there options I am unaware of? – Discouraged

Dear Discouraged: Kathleen is quite comfortable living rent-free with her mother and having a loving boyfriend who provides a father figure for her son. She has everything she needs. If you are happy to continue dating her, that is one solution. But if you want marriage or cohabitation, it’s not going to happen.