Mom, husband constantly sniping

Dear Annie: I have been married to “George” for more than 20 years. For most of this time, there has been tension (to put it mildly) between my husband and my mother. He rubs her the wrong way, she snipes at him, and he snipes back. I’ve had several conversations with them over the years, asking them to be more tolerant of each other, if only for my sake. That works for a while, but eventually, they return to their old ways.

What is bizarre is that my mother is normally a lovely, compassionate, considerate and caring person. She is a totally different person with George. I admit that my husband can be strong-willed and obstinate at times, but he has never deserved the treatment my mother gives him.

I try to see Mom separately in order to avoid the drama of their interactions, but there are certain family events and holidays when I would prefer not to choose between them. And it never fails that if I convince George to attend a family function, something is said that starts the sniping again.

Short of giving them joint counseling sessions for Christmas, what can I do? – Caught in the Middle and Hate It

Dear Caught: Your mother may be jealous of your husband. This occasionally can happen with some parents when a child marries, and if you call it to her attention, she will consider the possibility. But it’s just as likely that your husband’s personality simply irritates her to no end. You cannot control how other people behave or whether they like each other. You can ignore them, see them separately or remove yourself when the sniping becomes too annoying. We recommend a combination of the three, as needed.