Annie’s Mailbox: Sister’s addiction has ruined family

Dear Annie: My sister, “Ruth,” has struggled with addiction to prescription medication since high school. My parents have been incredibly supportive for the past eight years. They helped her get into rehabilitation programs, paid for lawyers, car insurance, health insurance and food, and they allow her to live rent-free in their home.

Last spring, Ruth finally finished vocational school, but instead of looking for a job, she spends every day in her room playing video games. She doesn’t contribute financially, nor does she help with basic household chores. Recently, she relapsed and ended up back in an outpatient rehab program.

My parents have tried giving her deadlines to finish school, get a job and move out, but she always manages to manipulate my parents, and the deadlines pass and life goes on unchanged.

This has destroyed my parents’ lives. My mother is taking medication for anxiety. My high-strung father is so stressed out that he has tantrums and screams in frustration. They have both told me they feel like prisoners in their own home. As a result of all the stress, my parents are separating.

My mother thinks moving out will encourage Ruth to do the same. She also believes it will show my father that she will not tolerate his tantrums anymore. I have begged my parents to try counseling, but they are both reluctant to do so. I agree that Ruth needs to be cut free and my father needs to control his temper, but I think Mom is going about this the wrong way. I worry she is making a volatile situation worse. How do I help my family? – Witness to a Powder Keg in Maine

Dear Witness: We think your mother has had enough and is looking for the escape hatch. If your parents aren’t interested in counseling, please suggest they check out Families Anonymous (familiesanonymous.org) at (800) 736-9805, Nar-Anon (nar-anon.org) at (800) 477-6291 and Because I Love You (bily.org).