Luncheon diners outrank hats

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I customarily wear a wide-brimmed hat when going out to lunch during the summer. Once I arrive at my destination, whether it be restaurant, food court or coffee shop, I take off my hat and place it on an extra chair.

I do this because the heat is so oppressive and it’s a relief to remove the hat. I don’t place it on the table, assuming that it would be bad etiquette, not to mention unhygienic. And I don’t place it on the floor, of course. So it gets placed on the other chair at my table.

Well, it seems that hat is a magnet for anyone needing a chair for their own table. They make a beeline for my chair and demand to know if anyone is using it, looking down at the hat. I’m usually so taken by surprise that I give up the chair and end up balancing my hat, precariously and uncomfortably, on my knee.

This happened to me today at a coffee shop. It wasn’t until someone had taken the chair away that I noticed the table behind him had a gentleman sitting at it, with an empty chair, equidistant from his table.

I would like to know how to handle this situation, to be prepared next time. My instinct is to, first, not get surprised – it’s happened so many times. I plan to say, “Yes, I am using it.” Then I will look around and say, “That gentleman is not using his chair. If you are too shy to ask him for it, shall I do it for you?” And then I’ll do it. Pointedly.

Seriously, Miss Manners. I love my hats, and I’m thinking of giving them up if I can’t deal with this situation.

GENTLE READER: Nobody loves hats more than Miss Manners, except possibly the Mad Hatter, but even she acknowledges that human beings outrank them. No one should have to stand while a hat – or a backpack, or a laptop – is comfortably ensconced.

If there are other seats available, you can certainly point them out – although politely, rather than, as you suggest, pointedly: “Do you mind seeing if that one over there is free?” If not, yield gracefully.

As for where to park your hat – on your head. Unlike gentlemen, ladies need not remove their hats indoors.