Guests ruin dinner with cellphone use

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Alas, once again I have been the victim of the cellphone.

After years and years of not seeing a couple, I was pleased to have them to dinner recently. I spent a day or two getting the meal prepared so that I would not interrupt the flow of conversation as I served the four different courses.

When I issued the definitive invitation, I asked them, if they would kindly place their cellphones in the “off” position while they were in my house. I am glad I did not ask them to refrain from expectorating on the floor. They simply ignored me.

Early in the evening, their son called them, and without rising from the table, they sat there and chatted with him, passing the phone back and forth. Then the husband proceeded to slip the cellphone out of his pocket at least 10 times during the remainder of the meal to read something.

I did not say anything to them, since a good host does want his guests to feel at ease.

Now what do I do? I am still trying to rid myself of the rancor of this experience.

Someone who interrupts conversation to speak with someone on a cellphone, or spends the evening checking messages, really irritates me. Most people would not try to smoke or clean a pipe at the table in a private home if asked not to do so. Am I being too subtle?

GENTLE READER: You are not a victim of the cellphone. You are the victim of rude people, whom you have sensibly ejected from your life. And you are gloomily assuming that this form of rudeness is so pervasive that it is likely to be practiced by others whom you initially think well enough of to invite to dinner.

Miss Manners hopes not. In any case, it is not flattering to guests to announce etiquette rules to them in advance, as if they would not otherwise know how to behave. And collecting their telephones from them is not exactly gracious.

She suggests waiting for a violation, at which point you can rise and get the violator’s attention to say, “Please take that in the other room. We wouldn’t want to annoy you by holding conversation while you are busy.”