Remarks hint son fled home for school

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My oldest son started university this year at one of the top schools in the country – which also happens to be on the other side of the country. I have lost count of the number of people who, after initiating a conversation in which they ask after him, wanting to know where he is studying, have remarked, “Wow, that’s about as far away from home as he could get!”

I feel pretty sure that my son decided upon this school because it represented the opportunity of a lifetime; however, after so many responses of this ilk, even I am beginning to wonder.

Only time will tell, I guess, but in the meantime do you have any suggestions for how I might respond? I have tried to be gracious and not defensive, but I’m beginning to lose my sense of humor about this.

GENTLE READER: There is no call to take this personally. Americans automatically assume that children can’t bear to be with their parents, which has always struck Miss Manners as both peculiar and distasteful. Worse, there are now parents who – perhaps to head off this unflattering assumption – declare how happy they are to have empty nests.

Refuting the charge would indeed sound weak. Rather, you should show that the notion that your son’s educational motive was to escape you is so far from true that you don’t even understand the charge. With just a touch of sadness, you could say: “Yes, we both realized that is a disadvantage. But after all, it’s the best school for what he wants to do.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was told that at a nice restaurant, a man should place his date’s napkin on her lap. Is this proper?

GENTLE READER: Not if she is of legal age and capable of doing it for herself.