Grandparents may not realize own bias

Dear Annie: How do you deal with ignorant relatives? My wife and I have two teenagers and three children under the age of 12. We live an hour away from family and see them during holidays, birthdays and such. I am close to both of my parents and speak to them daily. I believe they should have a good relationship with my kids. We also have nieces and nephews who live an hour away across state lines.

I recently found out that my parents have bought these nieces and nephews cellphones (to keep in touch) and special notebooks for them to write back and forth. Once a month, they are invited to spend the night at my parents’ house, while my kids have spent two nights there in four years. When I see my parents, they talk about how they never see my nieces and nephews, but I get to hear all about the stuff they do and their daily email chats.

I don’t understand how my parents can be so blind. They do nothing with my children. There is no bad blood between us. We are close. All I know is that I am sick of seeing my children hurt and tired of answering questions about why Grandpa and Grandma don’t call or let them stay over like they do with their cousins. How do I make this better? – Vermont

Dear Vermont: Grandparents sometimes don’t realize they are playing favorites, and there are a variety of reasons behind it. Often, they feel they must overcompensate for those kids who need them more. In your parents’ case, it’s possible that they know you will always keep your children close, but they aren’t so sure about the nieces and nephews, so they work harder at it. You need to tell your parents how you feel, and let them know that they are inadvertently damaging their relationship with your children.