Miss Manners: Some young adults like to live at home

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have found a disturbing trend in the media and in real-life encounters – that people who do not live independently from their parents are to be highly scorned.

I am 30 years old and have yet to move out of my parents’ home. I was forced to make a career change due to personal reasons, and I will be graduating from a career college in only a few months, with high hopes of getting hired in my field. I feel as though people are heaping scorn upon my parents, as well, for not kicking me out.

Many people say that living outside of their parents’ homes is extremely difficult for young people, yet I still find myself on the receiving end of “You’re HOW old and still living with your parents?!”

I have bitten my tongue against the urge to reply, “How old were you when your parents decided that you were an obligation that they could finally dispose of?”

I’m at a loss as to how to handle the scathing comments gracefully.

GENTLE READER: The people who say this are HOW old?

Miss Manners asks because the generation that considers relatives to be natural enemies is aging. They grew up denouncing their parents’ values, styles of living and psyches; they left home as soon as possible and resented the expectation of telephone calls and holiday visits. But things are changing. You are far from the only young adult living with his parents. And while doing so is always explained in terms of economic hardship and maternal laundry service, those are not the only reasons.

It seems that another generation of parents has reared children who become fond of them.

So you should be hearing fewer such remarks. That aging generation is beginning to realize that if a time comes when they are no longer able to live on their own, it is their children who will decide where to place them.

In the meantime, Miss Manners suggests replying: “Yes, I’m very lucky. Are you able to see much of your parents?” Or, if their parents are not likely to be alive, “of your children.”