Annie’s Mailbox: Grieving gramma peeved at DIL

Dear Annie: My son passed away last year from cancer. Not even two months after his death, my daughter-in-law began dating a married man. She then became pregnant and moved in with him and my two young granddaughters. She had the baby 11 months after my son’s death.

I am upset about her choice to move on so quickly. Worse, she has told my granddaughters that they can call this new man “Daddy” if they want to. I have a big problem with this. First, he is still married to his wife and has two other children. And second, these two little girls just lost their father and haven’t had a chance to grieve or process what’s going on.

I am not going to judge the Other Man. He could very well turn out to be a good guy who simply needed to grow up. But I worry about my grandchildren. Everyone tells me not to say anything because she might take the girls from me. (She has done that before.) But I don’t know how much longer I can keep my mouth closed. – Unhappy Grandmother

Dear Grandmother: Your daughter-in-law’s behavior seems disrespectful to your son’s memory and also to his children. But we suspect she is afraid of being alone and raising two children by herself. Although we understand the desire to speak up, we can assure you that it will serve no purpose. Please don’t create a situation that will estrange you from your granddaughters. They are going to need you, and you will want to be around to help them remember their father. Do what you must in order to remain in their lives, even if it means keeping your opinions to yourself. Feel free to write us anytime you need to vent.