No up side to friend’s negativity

Wed., Sept. 12, 2012

Judith Martin Universal Uclick

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After having lunch with a so-called friend, she proceeded to tell me how negative I was and how it drags her down. I think it was because she didn’t like my opinion about the subjects we discussed.

If I am not free to express my opinion, I no longer feel comfortable with her. These were not personal opinions, but were about restaurants, cruises and our local hospital, which I was just in for four days.

Sorry, I can’t be a Pollyanna and say everything is great when it is not.

Should I break ties with this person? Before she spoke, she said I would not like what she had to say, and mentioned that another so-called friend felt the same.

I want to retort, as I was totally dumbfounded and speechless. I agreed to being opinionated, but “negative” is her word.

GENTLE READER: Didn’t she have anything positive to say about you? You might plead that it drags you down to hear such a negative opinion of yourself.

Miss Manners cannot promise that this will stop the lady short and make her blurt out, “I see what you mean” – after which you can share a friendly laugh, and you can offer, “How about if I wait until you finish eating before I criticize the restaurant?”

It is unfortunately more likely to lead to more negativeness – the charge that you cannot accept constructive criticism. But at least that will warn you that your so-called friend’s rule is that it is fine to condemn your friends as long as you refrain from criticizing the hospital.

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