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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Grieving after breakup is natural

Kathy Mitchell

Dear Annie: I am a 21-year-old female, quite independent, happy and full of life. Last year I started dating “Luke,” age 26. We hit it off great, and I fell in love. But two months ago, something changed.

Luke recently started a new company. One day, he randomly decided he needed a break from our relationship to focus on his business. He made me promise to stay faithful. After three weeks, we started arguing. I found it stupid that I was supposed to remain faithful while he was out partying every weekend, going to bars and clubs. He kept texting my sister, saying he didn’t want to be with me. When I’d confront him, he’d say he was only kidding.

I tried hard to work this out. Two weeks ago, we planned to hang out, but Luke didn’t answer my calls. He never even bothered to cancel our plans. I finally had enough and sent him a text ending things completely.

Annie, the entire two months we were apart, I was a wreck. I still can’t stop thinking about him. I know I did the right thing by breaking it off. But sometimes, I am filled with regret, as if I wasn’t a good enough girlfriend. How can I be happy again without faking it? – Lost in My Heart

Dear Lost: This has nothing to do with your value as a girlfriend. Luke was simply not the right guy. He didn’t have the courage to break things off in an honest way and made himself repeatedly unavailable, hoping you’d take the initiative and let him go. It is natural for you to grieve the end of a relationship that you expected to last. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, pamper yourself, and “fake it until you make it.” Time will heal this. We promise.

To our Baha’i readers: Happy Ayyam-i-Ha.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to