Facebook can’t replace true contact

Fri., May 31, 2013

Judith Martin Universal Uclick

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was quite taken aback yesterday at our monthly book group meeting when one of the members suggested that I absolutely must sign up for Facebook if I wanted to keep in touch with friends.

She pointedly noted that she knew all about a mutual friend, whose impending trip I was poised to inform her about.

I also realized that I had not heard from the speaker herself for some time. Evidently she practices what she preaches and attends only to Facebook, not email, phone or the like.

I am able to use email, the phone, and enjoy Internet searching. Must I also add Facebook?

This book group has known each other for 20 years or more. Most of us are into our 60s and 70s. I understand many enjoy Facebook with their kids and grandkids.

Her comment makes me wonder. Is it now necessary to make oneself available through Facebook?

Frankly, I will not be joining Facebook, but I am disturbed that this seems to mean the end of any contact with this woman, and perhaps others who prefer Facebook contact. Have you any thoughts on this new wrinkle in etiquette?

GENTLE READER: Ah, how quickly a convenience turns into a command.

Apparently there are a great many people whose social circles are so vast that they cannot keep in touch with their friends individually, but must resort to mass postings to meet the demand for ongoing news of their lives. So Miss Manners can understand that it is convenient for them to reach everyone at once.

She also recognizes that normal people might occasionally need to do so – for example, issuing medical bulletins when dealing with a crisis and unable to handle the calls of concern.

But none of this should be mistaken for being in touch with people. The lady who complained is indeed signing off on the friendship. However, the mutual friend seems to be in touch, even if she has not told you every last detail.

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