Miss Manners:

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a single, 30-year-old gay male. Saturday night before last, I met a guy who’s 12 years my senior. We spoke on the phone a few times, and on Monday he was persistent and asked me out to dinner.

When the bill came, he paid just his half. I was taken aback by this. Since he invited me, shouldn’t he have at least offered to pay the whole bill?

Granted, I’m not someone who expects others to pay my way; however, good manners and etiquette dictate that the inviter/host should have paid or offered to pay. I would have offered to pay my half or the whole thing.

Also, did my having him go with me to the ATM (I was short on cash and had a feeling something like this might happen) affect his decision in not offering to pay?

He’s interested in me, but I don’t know if I should pursue this relationship. Good manners mean a lot to me, and I don’t know if can introduce him to my friends and family. After all, the first impression tells you a lot about a person.

GENTLE READER: And his first impression was of you at the ATM right before dinner. The gentleman likely assumed that either you intended to pay for your meal, or you were planning a quick getaway afterward.

You are correct that the person initiating the invitation should pay.

Your new friend could easily have been confused by your actions and not wanted to offend. Miss Manners suggests you give him the benefit of the doubt and invite him on another date. This time you should pay – and if he protests, say, “No, no, I invited you.” If he is the gentleman you hope him to be, he will understand for next time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do I take to Thanksgiving dinner when the hostess said to “bring nothing”?

GENTLE READER: An appetite, good cheer, sociability toward everyone there and an attitude of thankfulness.