Dave Oliveria: A campaign platform with fewer loose screws

Tired of all the empty rhetoric of the spring campaign, Patrick Jacobs of the Get Out! North Idaho blog offers his own legislative manifesto, including: creation of an official fashion committee for (Idaho’s) first lady to make sure (she’s) “looking fierce.” Mandatory Grace Jones Mondays. Raise the minimum wage to $45.25/hour. Apple fritter as the official state doughnut. No white shoes after Labor Day. An In-N-Out Burger joint in every town. Make Lana Turner’s birthday (Feb. 8) a state holiday – she’s from Wallace – and everyone gets the day off. Jell-O shots $1 every hour on the hour. Removal of the embarrassing, outdated phrase “Famous Potatoes” from the license plates. Replace it with “Mullet Paradise.” And Add the Words. Crazy? No crazier than legislators from Kootenai County trying to nullify federal law, putting sheriffs in charge of defining the Second Amendment and allowing guns on college campuses.

Faux ‘KCRCC’

“KCRCC” gets the Huckleberries award for the first sleazy trick of the 2014 GOPrimary season. Kootenai County Republican Central Committee? Nah. The clandestine PAC calls itself “Kootenai County Republican Concerned Citizens” – or KCRCC for short. Obviously, the faux KCRCC is masquerading as the official local Central Committee to give credence to its endorsement of Tea Party candidates … Yeah, incumbent county Commissioner Todd Tondee did spell “Kootenai” wrong in a recent campaign flier. But only once … Speaking of Tondee, Huckleberries isn’t sure that “Leadership that Listens” is the best mantra for a commissioner who has been in office eight years … No, Kootenai County commissioners didn’t lose their marbles by scheduling a procedural hearing on a possible privately built jail – at 6 p.m. on Good Friday. It was supposed to be the following Wednesday. But the newspaper legal notice carried the wrong date … A sheriff’s work detail, of all people, blew the whistle on those two motorcyclists who were racing back and forth under the Interstate 90 overpass at Northwest Boulevard. Jailbird jealousy.

Huckleberries

Poet’s Corner: “Beside the house/upon the hill,/she saw the spring’s/first daffodil” – The Bard of Sherman Avenue (“Best News of the Whole Day”) … After 20 years on the second floor of the Coeur d’Alene office at 608 Northwest Blvd., I’m headed downstairs, to the first floor, with my Spokesman-Review mates Tuesday. The view of Lake Coeur d’Alene will be gone. But the column work and demands of the Huckleberries blog will carry on … In the GOPrimary race for Kootenai County coroner, Dr. Warren Keene is challenging incumbent Debbie Wilkey. Which raises the question: How do you know which one is better for this technical job? Ask to see samples of their work? … State Rep. Luke Malek, R-Coeur d’Alene, smiles when friends suggest that he settle his GOPrimary race with newcomer Toby Schindelbeck by having a wrist wrestling contest. Schindelbeck, recently of Chico, Calif., is a fitness nut and bodybuilder … Bumpersnicker (spotted by my wife on a Toyota Land Cruiser in Coeur d’Alene on Friday, National Pet Day): “Wag more, bark less” … The Idaho Tax Commission will be open an hour longer on Tuesday for procrastinators who need help meeting tax deadlines. Moi? I took care of business Friday, four days earlier than usual.

Parting shot

On his Facebook wall, former Coeur d’Alene Councilman Mike Kennedy posts: “Little League Opening Day this Saturday. Three boys, three different levels, three different teams (two Yankees, one Rays), three games, first pitch ceremonies, picture day at three different times. In the immortal words of Principal McGee, if you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter!”