Renege on party invite with class

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Three weeks ago, Sue, a high school classmate, informed me that a third classmate, Kelly, was throwing a party for our class, as well as for a few classes preceding and following ours. Kelly asked Sue to help get the word out. Anyway, I eagerly accepted the invitation from Sue to Kelly’s party.

A few days later, I had second thoughts and called Sue and said I really didn’t want to go. She asked why, and I told her, honestly, that none of my close friends from those days were going, and I didn’t feel like making small talk with classmates I essentially never see.

She informed me she had already told Kelly that I was coming and that Kelly was excited I was coming. (We were only casual friends in high school.) I asked Sue to please tell Kelly I said hello, and she said she would.

I am concerned that I may have hurt Kelly’s feelings, especially since Sue likely relayed my reneging verbatim. Should I send Kelly some kind of apology? Should I just let sleeping dogs lie?

GENTLE READER: Is everyone in this situation still in high school?

Miss Manners is certain that your letter indicates not, but all parties are assuredly acting as if they are.

Yes, it is rude to decline an invitation saying that you do not feel like making small talk (Miss Manners hates to inform you that is the very definition of a party). It is also rude to issue an invitation through a third party.

You could set an example of maturity by talking to them both directly. Tell Sue that you regret having declined the invitation on silly grounds, and Kelly that you are sorry that you missed her party and hope that she will forgive you about any misunderstandings resulting from the indirect communication.