Annie’s Mailbox: Son expects gifts for second wedding

Dear Annie: My son and his first wife had a destination wedding in a foreign country. My husband and I hosted an engagement party in our hometown, and a friend of mine threw the bride a shower. My son and daughter-in-law divorced, and he is now engaged and planning a second wedding.

My brother-in-law made a comment that he and his wife do not send gifts for second weddings. My son is torn about how to handle the invitations. While it is his second marriage, it is the bride’s first. He doesn’t believe she should be penalized because his first wife ended their marriage.

What is the etiquette regarding this matter? We certainly don’t want anyone to feel that my son and his fiancee are wanting heaps of gifts and money, especially when these family members and friends “showered” him with gifts the first time around. – Vexed Mother of the Groom

Dear Vexed: First-time brides are entitled to wedding and shower gifts, regardless of the groom’s prior marital history. Of course, shower invitations can be weighted toward her family and friends, but also may include close family members and friends on the groom’s side. Guests who feel overburdened with shower gifts do not have to attend. And while wedding gifts are always appropriate, those who sent gifts for your son’s first wedding may wish to give a more modest gift the second time around. The intention is to invite people to share the celebration.