Boyfriend puts bromance first

Hi, Carolyn: I’m a 40-something woman living with a 30-something man. I wanted to be engaged first, but he wasn’t ready and insisted this was the only way to move forward with our relationship, so I caved and reluctantly moved in. The alternative was breaking up, and I wasn’t ready to do that.

Throughout my relationship with this man, I have been dealing with the bromance from Hell. My boyfriend and his best friend work together, lived together before I moved in, do things on the weekend together, and seem to be chatting online together 24/7. They joke that family and people at work thought they were gay. They think it’s funny, but I seriously wonder sometimes if they are. I’m not against gay but I am against people living a lie and hurting others in the process.

Is this a bromance or am I just jealous? – Wants Romance Before Bromance

“Not against gay”? “Not that there’s anything wrong with that” was too wordy?

You want a commitment, you moved in without one against your better judgment to “move forward,” and now you’re just as stuck as you were before. Stuck-er, given the hassle of moving back out.

Any choice framed as “this or breaking up” means “this” is an issue being forced.

The nature of the bromance is beside the point. Or, points: The first is that he prioritizes the best friend over you, regardless of its proper label (though certainly they can be this close and straight, too). The second is that you prioritize what you want over what you actually have.

I’m very sympathetic to your feelings – it hurts to be strung along – but not to your impulse to blame. You say to yourself the best-friendship has dominated “throughout,” so how can it be “living a lie”? Again, labels notwithstanding, your duet is a trio.

Your boyfriend is at fault for suggesting your relationship would progress, granted, but when someone tells you, no no, winter follows spring, believing him is on you.