Imagine that, footing bill for own party

DEAR MISS MANNER: I decided I wanted to spend a milestone birthday in the company of some friends. I invited each attendee via individual email, booked a private room in my favorite restaurant and planned a menu that all enjoyed. It was a merry occasion; the wine flowed.

Upon the evening’s conclusion, friends asked how much “their end” was, and I politely declined, assuring them it was my pleasure and happily footing the entire bill. There was no expectation of gifts (few attendees brought one).

May I ask if you in any way perceive my actions – throwing what you criticize as a “selfie party” – to have been in bad taste?

GENTLE READER: On the contrary, Miss Manners congratulates you for having violated the horrid customs that now characterize the selfie party:

You did not expect your guests to pay for the privilege of honoring you. You planned the menu for their pleasure, not just to indulge in your favorites, without regard to what they might enjoy.

In fact, you seem to have harbored the wish that your guests actually would enjoy themselves, rather than that they simply pay you obeisance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My cleaning lady, who has come to us twice a month for several years, is a nice lady, though our relationship is not particularly cozy. We exchange pleasantries when she arrives, and then I stay out of her way.

For the past few months, her mother has been seriously ill and hospitalized. Before each cleaning, I ask after her mother’s condition, and she tells me in some detail. She is clearly very tired, stressed and sad.

I would love to do something nice for her, but don’t know what would be appropriate. Would a small gift be appropriate? A paid week off? I’m at a loss.

GENTLE READER: No, you’re not. It just took you a moment to come up with the right answer.

Surely there is nothing that a tired, stressed and sad person could use as much as a week off with pay.