Annie’s Mailbox: Verbal ‘save the date’ isn’t an invitation
Dear Annie: I have been verbally invited to a few weddings this year. For one, we were told to “save the date” a year in advance. I never received an actual invitation and their wedding was last weekend. The pictures are popping up on Facebook.
The second wedding, the bride and I were close, then had a falling out, then sort of made up and she expressed verbally that she wanted me to attend her wedding. I have dinner with her every few months, but neither of us has made a big effort to spend more time together. Her wedding is coming up soon. Last month, I saw her “save the date” photos pop up on Facebook, but I did not receive one personally, nor have I received an invitation. Am I required to attend? I honestly don’t want to.
The third invitation is for a couple that I am good friends with. The groom recently texted that he expects me to be at their wedding in September, but I have not received any “save the date” or invitation yet. The bride made a Facebook page last year and said if people wanted to come, we should send her our addresses. Should I send her my address now or is it too late? I originally thought it was just for her family. Is everything done on Facebook now? Does no one send out paper invitations or keep a guest list? What is my responsibility when a person verbally expresses that I should attend, or posts something on Facebook saying I should “come to the wedding”? – Invitationally Challenged
Dear Challenged: We can understand your confusion. Paper invitations are still appropriate. A “save the date” notice is not an invitation. A verbal expression is not an invitation. Facebook notices are unreliable and informal, but if the bridal couple considers this an invitation, you may, also. And someone who says, “Send me your address if you want to be invited,” is too lazy to acquire your address and send a personal invitation. But if you want to send her your address, even at this late date, that is entirely up to you. And of course, if you don’t wish to attend a wedding, it’s perfectly OK to RSVP with your regrets.