Miss Manners: Camper’s suggestion offends friend

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am throwing a camping party for up to 18 of my close friends (all between 20-30 years old) packed into three campsites. When a friend who has a 2-year-old accepted my invitation, I told her I’d be happy to get an additional campsite for her family, as the larger rowdy group wouldn’t be very kid-friendly. I anticipate a lot of late nights and sleeping in until way past sunrise.

She got so mad at me she’s not even coming anymore!

I really thought I was trying my best to accommodate a baby at an event that is certainly not kid-friendly. Was there another way I should have handled it? Or is it OK to hold my ground and not force my other friends to share a site with only three or four tents, packed in with a cranky toddler?

GENTLE READER: Are you absolutely certain that your friend intended to bring the presumably cranky toddler?

Even if it was clear that the whole family planned to attend, Miss Manners suspects that it was the implication that no one would want to be within three camps of her that offended your friend.

Perhaps two years of dirty looks and assumptions of noise and bad behavior as she has attempted to go about her life with the socially inconvenient addition of a toddler triggered her reaction. You could have discussed the problem from the angle of not wanting a boisterous crowd to upset an innocent child who would not be able to get much sleep.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Now that same-sex marriage has been declared legal in my state, my son and his fiancé are planning their wedding. They have chosen black and white as their colors. Is it appropriate to request that their guests also dress in black and white?

GENTLE READER: It has always been appropriate for gentlemen, whether bridegrooms or guests, to wear black and white at a wedding. Miss Manners reminds you, however, that it has never been appropriate to attempt dictating color schemes to the ladies.