Miss Manners: Guilt aside, OK to keep sending cards

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Here’s one for your book of First World problems:

I enjoy sending greeting cards to family members for birthdays, anniversaries, new babies, etc. But I have two dilemmas.

One: Many of those to whom I send cards do not reciprocate. This does not bother me, but when I see them, they’ll say, “Oh, you’re so good at remembering my birthday, and I feel guilty because I’m terrible at stuff like that and never send you one.”

I usually respond, “Well, my goal in life is to make you feel guilty, so I guess my work here is done.” But I’m wondering if I should stop sending them cards to ease their guilt.

Two: My brother and his wife have been married for more than 40 turbulent years. A year ago, she moved halfway across the country to act as nanny for her pregnant daughter who is in the military and whose husband, also military, is deployed far away.

They see each other for holidays and child-centered events, and both are happier and don’t seem in any hurry to change the arrangement. Their anniversary is coming up, and I’m puzzled as to whether I send a card to them at their home address, send each one a separate card or skip it altogether, since they don’t seem to be bothered about spending the day apart.

GENTLE READER: You do not have to ease guilt or pay tribute to the true state of someone’s marriage in order to send them a card. If you enjoy celebrating occasions, continue.

Of course, Miss Manners assumes these messages simply honor the event and aren’t truth in packaging. “You may not care, but I do” is not an acceptable sentiment. Nor is “Happy estrangement,” so one card to the common address will do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a party yesterday with 100 people responding they would come. Only 70 showed up.

How do I respond to people who sent me emails saying, “So sorry we couldn’t make it. The weekend just got away from us. Hope you had fun”?

GENTLE READER: No response is necessary. If there is further inquiry, Miss Manners suggests telling your guests time just got away from you.