Finding ‘new normal’ relies on resilience

This month marks four years since my cancer diagnosis and three years since I completed the chemotherapy, bilateral mastectomy and radiation that made up my treatment. My body and my life have taken on a “new normal” since then in both positive and difficult ways.

Cancer, like family changes, financial loss, injuries and so many other events can force us to adapt to a permanent alteration in our lives, and adaptation takes resilience.

Resilience includes the ability to recover from traumatic events and to function in spite of stress. Most of us can relate to the idea that when we are worried, fearful or otherwise preoccupied with negative emotions, it can be harder to think clearly.

In children, chronic stresses ranging from illness to unstable relationships with adults can affect their ability to focus, learn and handle their own emotions as they grow up. Such stressful experiences in childhood can actually turn off and on the expression of genes in our bodies and change the ways our brains develop.

In contrast, having stable, nurturing relationships, good nutrition, safe places to play, a supportive early learning environment, and fewer traumatic events typically results in development of better problem-solving skills, resilience and mental flexibility for children.

Resilience also plays a role in our academic success, relationships, susceptibility to addictive behavior, physical health, and even our risk of dementia as we age. As adults, it is not too late to gain resilience, but it can take a lot more practice since our brains are not developing as quickly as when we were younger.

Mindfulness is the practice of being “in the moment” and fully focusing on one thing or sensation. This is one of the tools used to help adults develop resilience. Prayer and meditation are two ways of practicing mindfulness.

We live in a society where many things are competing for our attention at any one time. Phones, noises, other people, our own bodies and so much more are constantly distracting us.

A simple way to practice mindfulness is to intentionally reduce distractions in your life – such as not watching television for more than an hour a day and putting your phone away when you are doing other things.

Spend some time each day going for a walk, playing with your children or a pet, sitting alone in a quiet place to plan your day or reflect on the one that has just passed. Listen to music you like while doing nothing else. Be active. All of these things can promote resilience in your brain and body.

Intentionally developing healthy relationships also promotes resilience. Find people who share your interests and/or beliefs, or people who are from another culture or background you would like to know better. Spend time with these people sharing food, playing games (the old-fashioned kind that don’t involve screens), being active, or attending musical and cultural events.

Take time to connect more with supportive people you already know. Positive and encouraging human relationships increase our resilience when life hands us hard situations.

I am grateful for the childhood, life experiences, friendships and family I have had that helped me develop the resilience I have needed so far in life. One of the outcomes of having had cancer is that now I realize I need to nurture this resilience within myself and my family. It does not happen on its own.