Annie’s Mailbox: Third-party advice avoided as a rule

Dear Annie: I love your column, but disagree with the advice you gave to “Frustrated Husband,” whose wife visits with her irritating ex-college roommate. You suggested he visit family and friends elsewhere in order to avoid the woman.

The husband’s feelings should take priority over the ex-roommate. The wife and the annoying ex-roommate should be the ones to go elsewhere. – J.J.

Dear J.J.: This type of reaction happens often enough that we think your letter is a good time to address it: Readers expect us to somehow issue commands to a third party who hasn’t asked for any help. The husband wrote, not the wife. She has no problem with her ex-roommate.

While we agree that it is unfair to the husband to make the adjustment, advising him to pressure his wife into going elsewhere might cause a different, more serious problem.

If they can talk it out and reach a compromise, that would obviously be best. Otherwise, instead of stewing over it, he might use the time to take his own little vacation.

Dear Annie: My “Uncle Lucius” is 88 and has lived in an assisted-living facility for several years.

Here’s the problem: When taking him to a restaurant or bringing him to my home, he frequently refuses to leave at the end of the evening. Uncle Lucius has become so difficult that I am reluctant to pick him up and take him places. Any suggestions? – Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: We think Uncle Lucius is lonely and uses these outings as an excuse to be the center of attention, and he wants to prolong the experience. You are a kind soul to pick him up and have him for dinner, but we can see that your patience is wearing thin. You might visit with him in his care facility, asking him to show you around or perhaps visiting at a time when there is an activity you can do together. Please try to be tolerant.