Gourmet group hampered by guest

Dear Carolyn: We belong to a 10-person gourmet group where eight of us get along well. One person is very picky about all kinds of things and makes snide comments when her input is not appropriate. All of us have been polite, accommodating and forgiving, but in the last few months she has chosen to single out one person for especially unkind treatment. Everyone listening to the insults is appalled, but rarely does anyone stand up in defense of the picked-upon person for fear of upsetting her more or becoming her next victim. Her husband is very passive and does nothing.

This situation is causing a great deal of unhappiness at a monthly event where we should be enjoying ourselves. Everyone is walking on pins and needles trying not to upset her. She has been confronted about her rude behavior, but it did no ultimate good, and we would like to see this couple leave the group. We don’t know how to broach the subject because this group is a subset of a larger group, and we would have to deal with her anger and possible consequences in other settings. What do you advise?

– Santa Fe

One of you, grow some habaneros, please. Upset her with gusto. “(Mean Girl), that was uncalled for.”

You can’t tell me this Hydra has such power that cowering in the face of her meanness is the only thing standing between you and dining alone.

If she does lash out at you, then there’s this: “I really don’t care what you think of me. But I do care how you treat my friend.”

Further, think of which is worse: being subjected to her cruelty, or remaining in such weak company that you routinely witness your comrades bypass the obvious right thing to do and instead seek shelter in the safe.

There’s nothing at stake but steak. Don’t let another gathering pass without defending the person she’s bullying. Trust the right thing to be its own kind of shelter.