Miss Manners: Housewarming party requires house

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A family member wants to throw a housewarming party for me at her house to celebrate my new home that is being built. Is this appropriate?

GENTLE READER: It was always Miss Manners’ belief that one threw a housewarming party to welcome a few intimate friends to see the new house. As that house will not be able to attend, what is the purpose of the party?

She hopes the answer is not “Presents!” which are properly incidental and absolutely not required. The only events at which the guest of honor is not expected to participate are baby showers and funerals.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My stepchildren were dropped at our house and sent in with fast food. As there are other children in the household, and as I was raised if you don’t have enough for everyone, you don’t take it, I sent their mother the following message:

“In the future, please do not send fast food in with the kids. It is very disrespectful to the other kids that live in this house and are limited on the amount of fast food they are allowed.”

This message then led to a verbal confrontation, as she states I have no right to tell her what her kids can or cannot bring into the house. I explained I will stand up for my children and will not have them being disrespected in their own home.

We try to keep a level playing field in our home, but it has been quite difficult. The animosity between the children due to repeated situations comparable to this are making it difficult.

Was she in the wrong, or was I, or were both of us?

GENTLE READER: Shared custody is challenging. Separation should be treated with dignity and the recognition that each parent is free to set rules under each separate roof.

The rules in their mother’s house allow fast food; those in yours do not. Once you make this clear to the children, Miss Manners assures you they will figure out how to use the 50 feet from the car to your door to avoid having their food in the trash can.