Carolyn Hax: Sister disapproves of sister’s boyfriend

Hello, Carolyn: I am a 21-year-old Mexican woman in a wonderful relationship with a 21-year-old white male.

My boyfriend and I are deeply in love and have been together for a year and a half. We’re almost done with our classes and he has talked about us moving in and getting married. My parents are overjoyed and love him to death. My brothers love him. My sister, however, does not approve.

To be blunt, she is prejudiced against him for being white. She has a crazy idea that he is only fetishizing me, using me and will murder me. She ignores him and is rude to his face.

I have tried talking to her about it, but she always explodes.

Am I really forced to choose between my family and my happiness? – Heartbroken in Texas

It’s not often that declaring someone a murderer constitutes a favor, but your sister has done you one here.

Had her panic been less hyperbolic, you’d be in the difficult position of never being able to disprove her accusations. Ask anyone whose partner has been dismissed by family as sketchy or unintelligent or just “settling” – that kind of label can stick no matter what anyone does to scrape it off.

In this case, though, you merely have to survive to prove your sister wrong.

Given her extreme prediction, time – and a boyfriend who isn’t, in fact, evil – will solve this. That is, if your sister’s concern for your safety is genuine and will go away if disproven.

In the meantime, stand up for your boyfriend as needed but otherwise chill.

Attempts to persuade Sis aren’t necessary, either. Assure her you’re sorry she feels this way and have weighed her concerns carefully.

You can end it there, or you can continue by saying you are deeply insulted by her implication that your only appeal is in being seen as exotic.

Try defending less and listening more; she could be unready to let you go.