Hot tub

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have moved into a new-to-us home that has a hot tub. Upon receiving an invite to come visit, people comment they will bring their bathing suits for the hot tub.

The hot tub is known of only by looking at the realty listing pictures online. I have replied that we were not planning on using the spa that day. Should I just continue to repeat this with every person who offers to use our spa? We are not interested in using the tub with others. I imagine that people with swimming pools have a similar issue. Am I handling this politely?

GENTLE READER: Your explanation is polite, but may not be effective. It should be easy enough to answer that, “We’re so sorry, but it’s not usable today.” Miss Manners realizes that people who feel entitled to make themselves at home in your house may not accept this truthful answer, in which case she authorizes you to add, “We’re planning to do some work on it.” Pool owners will have more difficulty explaining why a clearly functioning pool is unavailable, and are therefore counseled to invest in a pool cover.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s administrative assistant gave us a beautiful basket full of homemade jellies, jams and cookies. I have saved the jars as we’ve finished each one. I have no use for these and hate to waste them.

Would it be rude to ask her if she wants them back? Some of them are quite nice, with wooden spoons attached. I assume she does this every year and would appreciate not having to buy new jars, but this is the first year we’ve known her, and I’m not sure. I’m worried it would look like we’re refusing part of the gift, or that we’re expecting her to do it again next year. Should I just donate them to a thrift store instead?

GENTLE READER: Volunteering to return part of a gift does imply the unpleasant possibilities that you suggest. It may even result in unwanted assignments, such as suggestions about how you should be using the jars. But as Miss Manners trusts that you intend to thank your husband’s assistant, there are ways to approach the question. “Thank you so much for the sweets. The jars were so attractive. Do you have to keep replenishing your supply?” You must then wait for an opening such as, “Yes. That’s the hardest part because I have to buy hundreds of new jars, and they come from Nova Scotia and can only be purchased in person.”