Annie’s Mailbox: Release unkind ‘friend’ from life

Dear Annie: About 30 years ago, my husband became friends with “Rob,” who was personable and fun. However, Rob’s wife, “Doris,” was unpleasant to be around. In 30 years, she never had one nice thing to say about anyone.

Rob became ill and spent months in a nursing home. Doris often would phone me and say she wished he would “just go to sleep.” Three weeks ago, he finally did. Doris now calls us several times a week. She carries on about how wonderful Rob was. She is usually drunk when she calls.

When they married, Rob had a daughter from a previous marriage and Doris had two sons. There has always been a rift between the children. Rob’s daughter told me when she was a child, Doris never made any effort to create a warmer relationship.

Recently a walkathon was held in Rob’s memory. People walked in teams, and the top-10 teams were entitled to a prize at the end. Doris’ son and grandson were paired with her stepdaughter’s two children. Their group left before the prizes were distributed, so I suggested to Doris she choose prizes for them. She returned with prizes for her son and grandson, but nothing for the others. When I asked why, she said there were no prizes left. But, Annie, there were dozens left. This upset me, because it proved what a mean-spirited person she is.

I told my family about this and they said it was time to get Doris out of my life. But we live in a small community. My question is, should I tell her why I’m upset or just stop answering when she calls? – Upset in Texas

Dear Upset: You are not obligated to remain friends with Doris. Since you are planning to end the friendship, it does no harm to let her know why. Please be kind. Tell her the way she treats other people, especially Rob’s daughter and grandchildren, bothers you. Then suggest that speaking to a therapist might be life-changing for her. People who are negative often have depression.